Celebrity Juice Bar Regular Reportedly Cannot Actually Name a Single Ingredient in Her Daily Fourteen-Dollar Order, Insists ‘the Colors Feel Correct’ – Screw the News
Every single morning for three years. Fourteen dollars a cup. She could not, when asked directly, identify one single component beyond ‘the green one, obviously.’ LOS ANGELES – A regular customer at a popular celebrity-adjacent juice bar reportedly cannot name…
Coastal Resident Reportedly Files Formal, Written Complaint About ‘June Gloom’ Lasting Into a Specific Tuesday in July, City Confirms This Falls Outside Any Department’s Actual Jurisdiction – Screw the News
The marine layer overstayed its welcome by, at most, four days. One resident felt strongly enough about it to actually put the grievance in writing. SANTA MONICA, CALIFORNIA – A coastal resident reportedly filed a formal written complaint with the…
Two Rival Influencers Reportedly Now Arrive at the Same Popular Photo Wall at 5 AM Daily Specifically to Beat Each Other There, Neither Has Slept Properly in Weeks – Screw the News
One wants the wall for a pink sunrise shot. The other wants it for the exact same reason. Neither will yield, and both have started setting alarms for 4:15. LOS ANGELES – Two rival social media influencers reportedly now arrive…
Parking Structure Regular Reportedly Maintains a Detailed Personal Spreadsheet Tracking Which Specific Level Has Historically Had the Best Availability by Day of Week and Hour – Screw the News
Fourteen months of data. Color-coded by confidence level. He insists this is simply reasonable planning, not, as his girlfriend suggested, ‘a genuinely concerning amount of energy spent on a parking garage.’ LOS ANGELES – A regular visitor to a popular…
Tourist Reportedly Spends Ninety Minutes Waiting in Line for a Hollywood Sign Selfie Spot, Discovers the Sign Is Considerably Smaller and Considerably Farther Away Than Expected – Screw the News
He had seen it in movies his entire life. In person, from the designated viewpoint, it is apparently the approximate visual size of a thumbnail, and he is trying to process that honestly. LOS ANGELES – A tourist visiting from…
Two-Hour Malibu Surf Lesson Now Includes Ninety Minutes of Paperwork and Twelve Minutes of Actual Surfing – Surfing LA
Tourists arrive expecting the Endless Summer. They leave having signed four separate liability waivers and stood in the whitewash for slightly under a quarter of an hour. MALIBU, CALIFORNIA – A wave of recent online reviews for the area’s most…
International Surfing Museum Curators Reportedly in Open Warfare Over Whether a Particular 1987 Boogie Board Counts as ‘Real Surfing History’ – Surfing LA
One faction wants it displayed proudly. The other wants it removed entirely. Neither side is backing down, and the museum’s single part-time employee is caught directly in the middle. HUNTINGTON BEACH, CALIFORNIA – The International Surfing Museum’s volunteer board of…
Longtime Rincon Locals Reportedly Drafting a Formal ‘Wave Priority Constitution’ After Three Separate Verbal Altercations This Month – Surfing LA
Nine articles. Two amendments already proposed. A preamble that opens with the phrase ‘We the Locals, in Order to Form a More Perfect Lineup.’ RINCON, CALIFORNIA – A group of longtime regulars at one of the region’s most fiercely contested…
Drone Photographers Now Reportedly Outnumber Actual Surfers at Popular Break, Creating What Lifeguards Are Calling ‘A Genuine Airspace Situation’ – Surfing LA
Forty surfers in the water. Sixty-three drones overhead. One increasingly exasperated lifeguard tower now doubling as an informal air traffic control post. SAN CLEMENTE, CALIFORNIA – Lifeguards at one of the region’s most photogenic surf breaks report a growing airspace…
Local Board Shaper Reportedly Furious That an AI Chatbot Now Gives ‘Shockingly Competent’ Advice on Custom Board Dimensions – Surfing LA
Thirty years of hard-won craft. One free chatbot. A rivalry nobody saw coming, least of all the shaper himself. OCEANSIDE, CALIFORNIA – A veteran custom surfboard shaper with over three decades of hands-on experience says he is “genuinely, personally offended”…