Malibu Surfer Files Formal Complaint Against Wave for Personal Foul – Surfing LA
Local surf commission says it has no jurisdiction over ocean behavior but will investigate anyway MALIBU, CA – A local surfer has filed a formal grievance against a wave he says deliberately closed out on him during Tuesday’s dawn patrol,…
Newport Beach Paddleboarder Cited for Excessive Zen in a Restricted Swim Zone – Surfing LA
Harbor patrol says the citation is less about the paddling and more about the deeply distracting serenity NEWPORT BEACH, CA – Harbor patrol officers have issued an unusual citation to a local paddleboarder accused of drifting slowly and repeatedly into…
Pipeline Wannabes Flock to Man Made Wave Pool, Actual Pipeline Entirely Unbothered – Surfing LA
Wave pool operators say bookings have surged among surfers hoping to skip the trip to Oahu entirely LEMOORE, CA – Bookings at a Central California artificial wave facility have surged in recent months among surfers hoping to practice barrel riding…
Malibu Traffic Officially Worse Than the Waves, Locals Confirm – Surfing LA
Surfers say the real challenge these days is the Pacific Coast Highway, not the point break MALIBU, CA – Longtime surfers at Malibu’s famed First Point say the single hardest part of their morning routine is no longer reading the…
Local Grom Achieves Surfing Nirvana, Instantly Insufferable About It – Surfing LA
Fellow surfers say enlightenment was more tolerable before he started explaining it to everyone in the lineup SAN CLEMENTE, CA – A 16 year old surfer has reportedly achieved a genuine state of flow state enlightenment during a routine Wednesday…
Barangay Captain Wins Reelection Unopposed for Eighth Consecutive Term
Residents say they keep meaning to field a rival candidate but somehow never quite get around to it MANILA – A barangay captain in a quiet residential district has secured his eighth consecutive term in office after running entirely unopposed…
Manila Call Center Worker’s American Accent Now More American Than Actual Americans
Colleagues say his neutral Midwest tone has become so precise that real callers keep asking where in Ohio he grew up MANILA – A call center agent at a major business process outsourcing firm has reportedly developed an American accent…
Manila Traffic Enforcer Achieves National Fame for Actually Stopping Traffic
Colleagues say his technique remains a mystery even to those who have watched him work for years MANILA – A traffic enforcer stationed along a notoriously congested stretch of EDSA has become something of a local celebrity after footage circulated…
Manila Mayor Vows to Fix Every Pothole, Potholes File Formal Counter Complaint
City engineer says the potholes technically have seniority given how long several have occupied the same spot MANILA – The city mayor’s office announced an ambitious new initiative this week promising to repair every reported pothole within city limits by…
Weather Bureau Quietly Admits Rainy Season Never Actually Ended Last Year
Forecasters say the dry season briefing was more aspirational than literal QUEZON CITY – The national weather bureau issued an unusual clarification this week acknowledging that last year’s officially declared dry season may have been, in the agency’s own careful…