Volume 1 Issue 16 May 31 1947 – Screw the News
Late May Edition Covers Growing Pains The May 31, 1947 issue documented America’s growing pains as it transitioned from wartime to consumer economy, featuring stories about new suburbs, new products, and new anxieties about keeping up with the Joneses. The…
The Public Bench Seating Algorithm: How People Subconsciously Maximize Awkward Gap Space
A satire on social distancing in public spaces (like malls or parks), suggesting people use a subconscious algorithm to ensure they sit on a bench in a way that creates the maximum, most awkward physical gap between themselves and the…
Santa Monica Surfer Claims He Also Rides the Timestream, Still 40 Minutes Late to Dawn Patrol – Surfing LA
A comic book hero who surfs through time inspires a local man with a flexible relationship to the clock Waverider Superhero Story Gives Santa Monica Man a New Excuse SANTA MONICA, Calif. – A surfer known to friends for arriving…
Oceanside Surfer Tells Mathematicians He Solved Fluid Dynamics Years Ago: It Is Better on a Low Tide – Surfing LA
A breakthrough claim about the equations of moving water meets a man who has been looking at it since 1987 Navier-Stokes Equations Breakthrough Fails to Impress the Guy Who Checks Oceanside Pier Every Morning OCEANSIDE, Calif. – A reported advance…
Long Beach Surfers Paddle Out Behind Catalina Ferry After Hearing a Man Got Barreled by a Boat in Canada – Surfing LA
A six-foot ferry wave in Nova Scotia convinces a wave-starved harbor town that its moment has come Ferry Wave Surfing Arrives in Long Beach, Where the Breakwater Took the Real Ones in 1949 LONG BEACH, Calif. – Roughly thirty surfers…
El Segundo Surfers Now Refuse to Paddle Out Without a Hardware Upgrade After Reading About a Wireless Heart Device – Surfing LA
An inspiring medical comeback is received by the South Bay as a product launch Surfing With a Pacemaker Story Inspires South Bay Tech Workers to Ask About the Specs EL SEGUNDO, Calif. – A moving account of a surfer who…
Los Angeles Approves 9.5 Million Dollars to Fix Sidewalks Olympic Tourists Might See, Residents Ask to Be Declared a Venue – Screw the News
A rush to repair pavement near the 2028 Games leaves the rest of the city wondering how to qualify as a fan zone LA Sidewalk Repairs Near Olympic Venues Trigger Citywide Rush to Become an Olympic Venue LOS ANGELES –…
San Clemente Core Lord Certification Board Overwhelmed by Applicants, All of Whom Are Disqualified for Applying – Surfing LA
A definition of surfing’s most committed locals triggers a rush to prove one does not care about status Core Lord Status Sought by Hundreds in San Clemente, Awarded to None SAN CLEMENTE, Calif. – A volunteer panel established to recognize…
The Psychology of the *Tingting*: A Study on the Efficiency of the Hand-Held Broom
A satire on the use of the *tingting* (traditional stiff-bristled palm-frond broom) in urban areas, arguing that its efficiency lies not in its physical power but in the psychological intimidation it exerts over dust and small debris. The Intimidation Factor…
Study Finds Surf Therapy Works in Wave Pools, Prompting Inland Empire to Prescribe Itself an Ocean – Surfing LA
Researchers find surfing improves wellbeing with or without a beach, and Riverside County would like one of each Surf Therapy Study Gives Inland Southern California Medical Grounds to Stop Driving to the Coast RIVERSIDE, Calif. – Residents of the Inland…