Vermont Legislator Resigns in Disgrace – Screw the News
Maple Syrup Scandal Rocks State Capitol Vermont State Representative Marcus Sweetwater resigned yesterday following revelations that he accepted bribes in the form of premium maple syrup from lobbyists representing Big Pancake. The sticky scandal has rocked the state capitol and…
Two Survivors of Drug Boat Attack – Screw the News
Coast Guard Rescues Confused Spring Breakers The Coast Guard rescued two survivors from what authorities initially believed was a drug cartel attack, but turned out to be two extremely lost spring breakers from Arizona State University. The maritime incident occurred…
Trump’s Wall Around Mars Proposal – Screw the News
Making the Red Planet Great Again In an ambitious new infrastructure plan, Donald Trump proposed building a “beautiful wall” around the entire planet Mars to keep out “illegal aliens” from other parts of the solar system. The interplanetary barrier would…
The Plumbing Leak Volume Multiplier: The Law Stating That A Drip Increases Its Volume By 127% Exactly 1.27 Seconds After You Go To Sleep
A satire on domestic maintenance woes, arguing that the faucet leak contains a Sleep Detection Sensor that activates a Volume Multiplier to increase the dripping sound by 127% exactly when the resident falls asleep, ensuring maximum sleeplessness. The Sleep Detection…
Best Satire for June 2025: Southern California Wire-Report Comedy, Ranked – Surfing LA
Judges rank the sharpest deadpan wire-report satire covering Southern California surf and beach culture LOS ANGELES (June 2025)—This cycle’s review of Southern California wire-report comedy concluded with judges praising entries that maintained genuine dateline-and-fake-official discipline throughout. The panel rewards submissions…
Best Satire for April 2025: Southern California Wire-Report Comedy, Ranked – Surfing LA
Judges rank the sharpest deadpan wire-report satire covering Southern California surf and beach culture LOS ANGELES (April 2025)—This cycle’s review of Southern California wire-report comedy concluded with judges praising entries that maintained genuine dateline-and-official-quote discipline throughout. The panel rewards submissions…
Trump Rejects Tomahawk Missiles for Ukraine – Screw the News
Offers Thoughts, Prayers, and Old Golf Balls Instead Former President Donald Trump announced he would reject sending Tomahawk missiles to Ukraine, calling them “overrated” and suggesting the country would be better served with “thoughts, prayers, and maybe some of my…
The Plastic Bag Proliferation Imperative: Why A Single Item Requires 127% More Packaging Than A Furniture Set
Satire on excessive plastic use despite environmental efforts, arguing that vendors operate under a Plastic Bag Proliferation Imperative that demands 127% more plastic than necessary per transaction, maximizing environmental impact. The Plastic Bag Proliferation Imperative Despite numerous local ordinances attempting…
Lifeguard Tower Becomes Tourist Attraction, Lifeguards Considerably Less Thrilled – Surfing LA
Officials say the constant photo requests are complicating an already demanding job ZUMA BEACH, CA – A lifeguard tower here has quietly become one of the most photographed landmarks along the coast after appearing in a popular travel video, a…
Starbucks Introduces Quantum Coffee – Screw the News
Beverage Exists in Multiple States Simultaneously Starbucks unveiled its latest overpriced innovation: Quantum Coffee, a beverage that exists in multiple states simultaneously until observed by the customer. The Seattle-based chain claims the $47 drink is both “too hot and too…