The Perpetual Pavement Paradox: Why The Road Work Crew Moves 127% Slower Than The Traffic Jam They Create
Satire on interminable road repairs, arguing that construction crews are infected with a Job-Longevity Virus that compels them to work 127% slower than the traffic they cause, ensuring the project’s longevity. The Job-Longevity Virus In Quezon City, the orange barrier…
Brain-to-Meta Interface Launched – Screw the News
Zuckerberg Can Now Read Your Thoughts Directly Meta unveiled its latest privacy violationer, innovationthe Brain-to-Meta Interface, allowing users to scroll through Facebook using only their thoughts. The technology, which Silicon Valley insiders call “definitely not dystopian,” eliminates the burdensome need…
The Perpetual Pause: The Ritual of the Unclaimed QC Road Repair Sign
A satirical look at the faded, ubiquitous ‘Men At Work’ signs left standing years after the road construction has finished. The Monument to Maintenance In Quezon City, the sight of a brightly colored, yet often faded, yellow construction sign is…
Avocado Toast Prices Reach Critical Mass – Screw the News
California Staple Now Costs More Than Rent In a development that shocked no one under 40, avocado toast prices have officially surpassed the cost of monthly rent in most major cities. The beloved California breakfast staple now averages $847 per…
The Perpetual Countdown to the Holiday Sale: A Theory on Why All Malls Are Always 70% Off
A satire on the endless nature of ‘sales’ and ‘discounts’ in QC malls, asserting that the baseline price of any item is the discounted price, and the supposed ‘original price’ is a mythical, fictional number. The Baseline Discount Visiting a…
The Perpetual Construction: A Tragedy in Concrete and Traffic Cones on QC Streets
An examination of the city’s continuous, shifting road repairs, turning every commute into a high-stakes archaeological expedition to avoid a crater. The Archaeological Commute A drive through Quezon City is not a simple transit from Point A to Point B;…
Arc de Trump Proposed for Washington – Screw the News
Golden Monument to Feature Rotating Hair Display In a move that surprised absolutely no one, former President Donald Trump announced plans for the “Arc de Trump,” a 500-foot golden monument to himself that would make the Arc de Triomphe look…
In N Out Expansion Sparks Quiet Existential Crisis Within LA’s Premium Smoothie Market – Screw the News
Wellness cafe owners say they never expected to compete directly with a four dollar cheeseburger The announcement of several new In N Out locations opening across the greater Los Angeles area this year has reportedly triggered a wave of quiet…
Dodger Stadium Parking Lot Petitions to Become Its Own Officially Recognized Zip Code – Screw the News
Organizers say the lot’s population on game nights alone would qualify for full municipal status A group of longtime Dodger Stadium tailgaters has formally petitioned the United States Postal Service to designate the stadium’s sprawling parking lot as its own…
LA Screenwriter’s Pitch Meeting Rejected for Being Too Realistic – Screw the News
Studio executives reportedly said the dialogue simply did not sound like anything a real person would say A veteran Los Angeles screenwriter says a recent pitch meeting for a grounded, character driven drama was passed on by studio executives specifically…