Leimert Park Jazz Festival Vendor’s Handmade Incense Stand Reportedly Outsells Every Food Vendor Combined, Nobody Fully Understands Why – Screw the News
Small independent seller’s modest table has become an unexpected festival phenomenon three years running LEIMERT PARK A small, unassuming incense stand run by local vendor Marcus Whitfield has reportedly outsold every food vendor at this year’s jazz festival combined,…
Echo Park Rising Attendee Discovers Her Favorite Local Band From Three Years Ago Now Headlines the Festival, Cannot Stop Mentioning She Knew Them First – Screw the News
Longtime fan’s genuine excitement reportedly comes with an unavoidable, well-earned amount of “told you so” energy ECHO PARK Festival attendee Yolanda Priestly has informed no fewer than eleven separate people this weekend that she “saw this band back when…
Dine LA Participant Successfully Visits Eleven Restaurants in Two Weeks, Reports Body No Longer Recognizes Regular Portion Sizes – Screw the News
Local food enthusiast’s ambitious restaurant week itinerary reportedly required its own dedicated spreadsheet and considerable antacid budget LOS ANGELES Local resident Trisha Yamamoto has completed eleven separate Dine LA prix-fixe menus across the event’s two-week run, a feat she…
DTLA Artnight Attendee Successfully Visits Zero Actual Art Galleries, Spends Entire Evening in the Line for One Popular Food Vendor – Screw the News
Downtown Los Angeles arts crawl participant reports full cultural experience despite never once entering a single gallery space DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES Artnight attendee Marcus Delaney spent his entire evening at this month’s downtown gallery crawl in a single food…
Griffith Park Outdoor Movie Screening Attendee’s Elaborate Blanket and Snack Setup Reportedly More Ambitious Than the Actual Film Being Shown – Screw the News
Local moviegoer’s folding table, string lights, and three-course picnic spread draw more attention from neighbors than the screen itself LOS ANGELES Attendee Priya Chandrasekaran’s setup at this week’s outdoor movie screening reportedly included a folding table, battery-powered string lights,…
OCTA Poll Shows Two Political Tandems in Statistical Dead Heat, Both Camps Simultaneously Claiming Decisive Momentum From Identical Numbers
Robredo-Tulfo and Duterte-Marcos pairings each declare victory from a poll showing them essentially tied MANILA A new OCTA Research poll showing the Robredo-Tulfo and Duterte-Marcos political tandems locked in a genuine statistical dead heat has produced the remarkable spectacle…
Senator Placed on Medical Leave Reportedly Available Enough to Issue Several Detailed Public Statements, Just Not Enough to Answer One Specific Question
Timing of medical leave draws scrutiny after coinciding precisely with renewed questions about a family member’s travel MANILA A senator’s medical leave has drawn renewed public scrutiny after observers noted she remained available enough to issue several detailed public…
Metro Manila Commuters Report Successfully Predicting Traffic Patterns Using Nothing but Which Direction the Rain Clouds Are Moving
Locals develop informal meteorological commuting system considerably more reliable than official traffic apps MANILA A growing number of Metro Manila commuters report developing an informal but reportedly highly reliable system for predicting rush hour traffic severity based entirely on…
Local Mooncake Festival Draws Larger Crowds Than Most Recent Political Rallies, Organizers Politely Decline to Draw Obvious Conclusions
Hilton Manila’s mooncake showcase reportedly outperformed at least two competing political events held the same weekend MANILA This weekend’s mooncake artistry showcase at Hilton Manila reportedly drew a noticeably larger crowd than at least two competing political campaign events…
UP Law Freshmen Banned From Phones and Laptops in Class, Upperclassmen Reportedly Delighted by the Return of Genuine Suffering
Policy change draws mixed reaction as students weigh focus benefits against sheer inconvenience of actual handwritten notes QUEZON CITY A new University of the Philippines Law policy banning phones and laptops during freshman classes has been met with a…