Per My Last Email Now Top Cause of Workplace Rage – Screw the News
Violence Narrowly Avoided Daily According to Los Angeles workplace violence prevention studies that definitely exist, the phrase “per my last email” has overtaken printer jams and meeting invites as the leading cause of homicidal thoughts in professional settings. The passive-aggressive…
Peso Sinks Past 64 per Dollar as BSP Guards Its Secret Worry Number
The central bank says it knows exactly how bad things must get before it steps in, and it would prefer that nobody ask. MAKATI, Philippines (ManilaNews.PH) – The Philippine peso slid past 64 to the US dollar this week, and…
LRT-2 Down to 8 Trains as DOTr Studies Whether Buses Can Use Roads
Antipolo commuters received 20 discounted buses, a feasibility study, and the news that their train line will soon belong to somebody else. PASIG, Philippines (ManilaNews.PH) – Commuters on the LRT-2 line received a three-part relief package this week: 20 buses…
The Sentinel of Semi-Preparedness: The Barangay Tanod’s Perpetual State of Readiness
A satirical analysis of the local security force whose primary weapon is a trusty flashlight and whose presence is largely a diplomatic statement. The Diplomatic Presence The Barangay Tanod is the local security force, serving as the frontline of peace…
Coachella Valley Wave Pools Pitch Themselves as Abu Dhabi Stand-In – Surfing LA
Desert surf developers say they can give the Championship Tour everything the Gulf did, plus pickleball and a much shorter drive from Irvine. PALM DESERT, United States (Surfing.LA) – A coalition of Coachella Valley wave pool operators, golf resort executives…
Van Nuys Drivers Told Gas Will Fall Three Months After Peace, Maybe – Screw the News
Pump prices are expected to return to normal once the world does, which analysts estimate at somewhere between a quarter and never. VAN NUYS, California (Screw The News) – Drivers across the San Fernando Valley received encouraging news this week…
Plane Lands Itself – Screw the News
Pilots Surprised as Aircraft Demonstrates Competence In a stunning display of automated aviation technology, a commercial aircraft successfully landed itself at Los Angeles International Airport while pilots watched in a mixture of relief and existential dread about their job security….
San Clemente Shelves Colapinto Parade After Cloud 9 First-Heat Exit – Surfing LA
The city spent a week preparing for its first California men’s world champion since 1990 and roughly one heat un-preparing. SAN CLEMENTE, United States (Surfing.LA) – The City of San Clemente has quietly returned 4,000 folding chairs, two high school…
The Semi-Functional Traffic Light: A Game Theory Analysis of Intersections Where Red Means ‘Maybe’
A satire on traffic lights at secondary QC intersections that are often broken or ignored, treating the intersection as a complex game theory problem where driver decisions are based on the probability of punishment. The Equilibrium of Chaos In certain…
Pasay Prepares for ASEAN Summit by Briefly Ceasing to Exist
Residents near the PICC have been asked to remain calm, remain indoors and, where possible, remain in another city until the leaders fly home. PASAY, Philippines (ManilaNews.PH) – With world leaders on their way for the ASEAN Summit, the city…