National Guard Deployed to City You Forgot Existed – Screw the News
Because Why Not In breaking news that Los Angeles Times readers will scroll past without processing, the National Guard has been deployed to a mid-sized American city whose name you can’t quite remember and whose location you’d need Google Maps…
Mang Pedring Promoted to Director of Foreign Relations
The Mactan tower guard who suspects only delivery riders and one goat is named the building’s chief diplomat Mang Pedring Promoted to Director of Foreign Relations The Mactan tower guard who suspects only delivery riders and one goat is named…
Echo Park Podcaster Launches Cebu Show, Has Never Been to Cebu – Screw the News
Episode one runs 94 minutes and consists entirely of the host reading an article aloud with feelings Echo Park Podcaster Launches Cebu Show, Has Never Been to Cebu Episode one runs 94 minutes and consists entirely of the host reading…
Cebu Jeepney Drivers Add Neighbors-Are-Fine Placards
Handpainted signs on the windshield reassure foreign passengers that the route is calm and so is everyone on it Cebu Jeepney Drivers Add Neighbors-Are-Fine Placards Handpainted signs on the windshield reassure foreign passengers that the route is calm and so…
The Rerouting Raindrops Theory: Why Puddles Only Form Exactly Where You Step Off the Curb
A satire on localized street flooding and puddles, arguing that individual raindrops are equipped with an advanced guidance system that directs them to converge at the precise location the commuter intends to place their foot next. The Footfall Prediction Algorithm…
San Clemente Realtor Hosts Open House on a Longboard – Surfing LA
Orange County agent says he can sell anything with a sea view, then spends four hours on a nine-foot board answering questions San Clemente Realtor Hosts Open House on a Longboard Agent Keith Dunmore takes a bold approach to selling…
OFW Buyers Unbothered by Cebu Panic, Ask Only About Aircon
Filipino workers abroad say they have survived far worse than a headline, including their employers OFW Buyers Unbothered by Cebu Panic, Ask Only About Aircon Filipino workers abroad say they have survived far worse than a headline, including their employers…
Huntington Beach Longboarders Cancel Siargao Trip – Surfing LA
Surf City retirees say the Philippines is great, but they would like the lineup to stop asking for letters Huntington Beach Longboarders Cancel Siargao Trip A dawn patrol of retirees agrees to stay home until the Philippine property market stops…
Dodger Stadium Debuts Sea Did Nothing Night, Hands Out Calm Bobbleheads – Screw the News
Fans receive a bobblehead of a security guard in a lanyard that does not move and apparently fears nothing Dodger Stadium Debuts Sea Did Nothing Night, Hands Out Calm Bobbleheads Fans receive a bobblehead of a security guard in a…
The Death of Language – Screw the News
How We Murdered Communication According to Los Angeles linguistics departments that are too depressed to comment, the English language is experiencing what experts call “a complete structural collapse aided and abetted by people who think ‘no cap fr fr’ constitutes…