Santa Adopts LA Wellness Routine, Now Cold-Plunges and ‘Optimizes’ the Naughty List – Screw the News
Saint Nick credits a morning ice bath and an elimination diet for his improved delivery performance A New Regimen for the North Pole LOS ANGELES — In what wellness influencers are hailing as a transformative embrace of optimization, Santa Claus…
Philippine Congress Passes Resolution Commending Philippine Congress for Hard Work
Unanimous Vote Praises Members for Showing Up, Sitting Down, and on Several Occasions Remaining Awake Philippine Congress Passes Resolution Commending Philippine Congress for Hard Work MANILA The House of Representatives passed on Wednesday a resolution commending its members for…
Makati CBD Unveils Smart City Initiative That Requires Citizens to Be Smarter Than the City
New Digital Infrastructure Demands QR Code Literacy, App Download Patience, and a Phone Charged Above Fourteen Percent Makati CBD Unveils Smart City Initiative That Requires Citizens to Be Smarter Than the City MAKATI The Makati City government unveiled Thursday…
Filipino Family Packs Seventeen People Into Seven-Seater Van, Calls It Bonding
LTFRB Sources Confirm Vehicle Has Been Technically Legal for Fourteen Years Due to Classification as Extended Family Express Filipino Family Packs Seventeen People Into Seven-Seater Van, Calls It Bonding BATANGAS A Filipino family of seventeen, ranging in age from…
Philippine Weather Bureau Forecasts Week of Rain, Sunshine, and Profound Uncertainty
PAGASA Releases Seven-Day Outlook Covering All Meteorological Conditions Simultaneously, Describes This as Science Philippine Weather Bureau Forecasts Week of Rain, Sunshine, and Profound Uncertainty QUEZON CITY The Philippine Atmospheric, Geophysical and Astronomical Services Administration released its seven-day weather outlook…
Philippine Senate Approves Bill Requiring All Ghost Projects to File Environmental Impact Statements
Commission on Audit Confirms Imaginary Infrastructure Now Legally Obligated to Comply with Real Regulations Philippine Senate Approves Bill Requiring All Ghost Projects to File Environmental Impact Statements MANILA In a legislative breakthrough that legal scholars are calling “philosophically ambitious”…
Trestles Named World’s Best Wave Again; Locals Still Cannot Park – Surfing LA
San Clemente’s Celebrated Break Gets Sixteenth International Recognition as Final Forty Car Park Spaces Disappear to Drainage Works Trestles Named World’s Best Wave Again; Locals Still Cannot Park SAN CLEMENTE, CA For the sixteenth consecutive year, Trestles has been…
Southern California Longboard Revival Baffles Everyone Who Wanted Shortboarding to Win – Surfing LA
Foam and Log Revival Sweeps Venice and Malibu Hearts of Men Who Have Given Up Trying to Air Reverse Southern California Longboard Revival Baffles Everyone Who Wanted Shortboarding to Win MALIBU, CA The ongoing Southern California longboard revival, now…
SUP Owners Association Petitions California Coastal Commission for Separate Ocean – Surfing LA
Paddleboarders Cite Seventeen Incidents of Meaningful Eye Contact and Three Instances of Loud Sighing SUP Owners Association Petitions California Coastal Commission for Separate Ocean santa BARBARA, CA The Southern California Stand-Up Paddleboard Owners Association filed a formal petition with…
El Nino Promises Best Surf Season in Decades, Delivers Mostly Parking Problems – Surfing LA
Hyped Winter Swell Produces Eight Good Days, Record Crowds, and an Unbroken Queue for the Men’s Restroom at Trestles El Nino Promises Best Surf Season in Decades, Delivers Mostly Parking Problems SAN CLEMENTE, CA Following months of meteorological forecasts…