Makati Executive’s Favorite Obscure 16th Century Venetian Alchemist: The ‘Aggressive Transmutation’ and the Shame of the Simple Metal
When Your Abstract Theory Is a Vicious Filter and Your Knowledge Is an Untestable Asset The ‘Aggressive Transmutation’ Makati **Executives’ Favorite Obscure 16th Century Venetian Alchemist** is a complex, often non-Western occult theorist, valued for their **’Aggressive Transmutation’**the embrace of…
County Issues ‘Chimney Access’ Permits for Beachfront Homes, Backlog Forms – Surfing LA
New ordinance requires verified flue clearance before Christmas Eve, delighting nobody A New Permit Joins the Pile SANTA MONICA, Calif. — County officials have introduced a new permitting requirement obligating beachfront homeowners to obtain verified chimney access clearance before Christmas…
Santa’s Naughty List Now Tracks Wave-Etiquette Violations, Locals Panic – Surfing LA
Snaking and dropping in reportedly reclassified as coal-eligible offenses ahead of the holiday A New Category of Misbehavior HERMOSA BEACH, Calif. — In a development that has sent ripples of anxiety through the Southern California surf community, the North Pole…
Santa Relocates Workshop to Venice Beach for the Tax Advantages – Surfing LA
North Pole cites favorable jurisdiction as elves trade fur-lined boots for skate decks North Pole Cites Jurisdictional Flexibility VENICE, Calif. — Citing what its accountants described as a more favorable operating environment, Santa Claus has relocated a substantial portion of…
Surf Forecast Now Includes ‘Santa Swell’ After North Pole Pressure System – Surfing LA
Meteorologists add festive variable to models as workshop denies any involvement Forecasters Introduce a Festive Variable SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Surf forecasters have quietly added a new variable to their predictive models this season, a phenomenon they are calling the…
Elves Unionize at San Clemente Surf Shop, Demand ‘Dawn Patrol Provisions’ – Surfing LA
Workshop labor dispute spills onto the sand as workers seek paid time to check the surf Workshop Labor Dispute Reaches the Coast SAN CLEMENTE, Calif. — Elves working at the North Pole’s recently opened West Coast distribution point have voted…
LA City Council Caught on Tape Disparaging Santa’s ‘Underperforming’ District – Screw the News
Leaked recording reveals officials questioning the North Pole’s delivery metrics and demanding redistricting A Recording Surfaces LOS ANGELES — A leaked audio recording has plunged the Los Angeles City Council into fresh controversy this week, capturing several officials disparaging what…
Every LA Chimney Must Now Pass Seismic Retrofit Before Santa Will Descend – Screw the News
North Pole cites liability concerns as engineers flag the region’s masonry flues as ‘aspirational at best’ A New Standard for Descent LOS ANGELES — Citing mounting liability concerns, the North Pole has announced that Santa Claus will no longer descend…
Hollywood Studio Options Santa, Plans Gritty Reboot and Cinematic Universe – Screw the News
Executives confirm the character will be ‘reimagined for a modern audience,’ with three spinoffs already in development Santa, the Franchise LOS ANGELES — A major Hollywood studio has acquired the rights to develop Santa Claus into a feature film, confirming…
Santa Denied Table at Hottest LA Restaurant, Told the Wait Is ‘Indefinite’ – Screw the News
Saint Nick offered a spot at the bar in six weeks as the host fails to recognize the most famous man on Earth No Table for Saint Nick LOS ANGELES — Santa Claus was denied a table at the city’s…